Miracle Mornings Day Four

June 22, 2015 in Uncategorized by admin

Today is day four of my Miracle Mornings project. I have to admit, at this point, I have mixed feelings about the results. My thoughts are clear… this it is working, and is going to be good for me. But, from a feeling perspective, I am feeling a bit… uhmmm… uncomfortable. Yesterday, in my reading more in The Miracle Morning book, I learned that the missing piece, the last of the six practices, of the miracle morning is scribing. What’s funny is that I was already doing that. I had read another book years ago called “The Artist’s Way” that recommended “morning pages”. Morning pages are a way to clear out your mind chatter, get your thoughts and feelings on paper, so that you can look at them, and learn and grow from personal reflection. So, when I started The Miracle Morning, knowing it was based on developing myself each morning, I just assumed I should journal my thoughts and feelings. It was really cool yesterday to find out that was one of the 6 practices suggested.

Back to the uncomfortableness. I have never been one to delve into my feelings. I have been in therapy several times throughout my life. I did not have the most uneventful of childhoods. My life, while an exciting adventure, has also been splashed with traumatic events… not the least of which was being kidnapped at the age of 7. Add to that physical, emotional, psychological, religious and sexual abuse, and therapy seemed like a rather reasonable route to take. But before I discovered cognitive behavioral therapy… I discovered self help. And most of self help is focused on putting your focus on what you want and not on what you don’t want. So therapy, after years of self help, seemed like a dismal way to get healthy. Focusing on everything that had gone wrong in my life to “let go” of past events, never really felt right to me. I much preferred to ignore those bad feelings, and find ways to feel good. And, while that has worked on many levels, for many years, it has also created problems. Some of the ways I chose to “feel good” were NOT healthy for me, or the people around me.

So, I believe that’s why writing down my thoughts and feelings is a bit “uncomfortable” for me. But, this morning, like the past three mornings, I did it anyway. And, while looking deeply at myself, and how I create not only things I desire, but also things that are not healthy for me, has not been completely motivating and inspiring for me, as I had hoped it would be. It has, I believe, started to open me up to the possibility that I CAN feel the negative feelings too. I can let them in, and notice them, and extract lessons from them… and then… maybe even… “let them go”. Ignoring and suppressing them, while temporarily making me feel better, has led me down a path where now, I can be taken off guard by intense emotions bubbling up and taking over. So, journaling is probably going to be the hardest part of this journey for me. I will let you know how it goes.

In true Kate fashion, I shall now return to the parts I like better… affirmations and visualization. Whew! That’s MUCH better. 🙂

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