Miracle Mornings Day 5

June 23, 2015 in Uncategorized by admin

Today is Day 5 of my Miracle Mornings project. I would love to tell you all that it’s been an amazing experience so far… but that would not be the truth. Well… maybe it would. Days one and two were certainly inspirational and freeing, but 3-5 has proven to open my eyes to some rather unfortunate realities. It’s not that I’ve been in complete denial about what I am seeing, but I have had my eyes closed enough to some things that daily meditation and journaling has revealed that I have some serious work to do. What work you ask? Well… I am probably not ready to share that quite yet. Besides I need to continue this process a little longer before it’s even going to come out making much sense.

But I can tell you this. Today’s meditation was on letting go of perfectionism. I seem to be receiving the exact information I need to be focusing on right now. I have, for some time now, known that I am way harder on myself than is healthy for me. However, today I saw this perfectionism exercise from a new angle. It became clear to me today that holding on to trying to have things be perfect … or, the way I hear it in my head is, “done right”, has kept me entangled in some rather unhealthy thought and behavior patterns that are not serving me. My hope is that as I look into this further, I will be able to be gentle with myself, and make the changes needed without judging myself too much. But for today… I am feeling rather like a schmuck. Ick! Wow! That is terribly difficult to admit. After all, I have a rather ingrained belief that I am an optimistic person. I am a person who works hard and tries to always do her best. But it turns out, I am also someone who wants to do everything right, because I also want people to like and admire me. So admitting that I am struggling with my feelings around having created a “prison of my own making”, is hard. And, while I am not one to shrink from things that are hard, I don’t like to look bad either. And, somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I believe admitting I have weaknesses and struggles might do that. Intellectually, I know everyone has weaknesses and struggles in their lives, but my twisted thinking doesn’t always remember that.

So… there you have it, a messy day five of Miracle Mornings. This would probably be a great day to admit defeat and quit the project. But then there’s that commitment thing. Ugh! So on I press. I am confident this process is going to yield amazing results… and hopefully soon, before I lose my nerve.   🙂